Addicted
by hogwaffle
Summary: Faiths thoughts during the confrontation in Enemies Buffys always beating her down one way or another. Enjoy.


Joss owns a lot of things in this. Kelly Clarkson owns the lyrics to "addicted" I've given up on writing happy stuff) I am going to make my writing career like VC Andrews lol.

: I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time  
Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this:

"And how did you get him, Faith? Magic? Cast some sort of spell? Cause in the real world, Angel would never touch you and we both know it." That's only painful cause god knows it's true. I slam her across the face, hoping to project some of my pain onto her. I didn't really mean to hit her, it just happened, she pushed that never been loved button of mine. So I'm not you, B. I read that page already, even moved on to, never gonna be, have no chance to be, and always second best.

"You had to tie me up to beat me. There's a word for people like you, Faith. Loser." She's said it before or at least thought it a million times, and was right every time. I'm a loser, a nobody, a worthless piece of flesh killing time from now until the end. She's right. Everyone who has ever said it was right. Can't let them know that though.

I slam the knife into the wall next to her head, shaking my head and backing up a bit. I know what this is about. She still thinks I want her dead. Fuck that, at least she's going places. I want me dead. I want to be the one tied up and beaten down. I want her to beat me, to step up and do it with her fists and stop using her words and actions. All "oh yeah Faithy, we're the bestest of bestest buds until I mess up. Then I'm back to nothing. Walk a little too close to the edge did you, B? Didn't like what you saw over the cliff? Welcome to my world. I live in that pit below, dodging the stones that you just keep kicking down.

"Uh huh. You're just trying to make me mad so I'll kill you. I'm too smart for that. Stick around." I squeeze her face, shoving myself away. I can't be this goddamn close to her. The charge between us in electric. I don't know if she can feel it, but it buzzes through me whenever she's within a hundred feet. This close, touching, it's like holding a live wire.

"For what? Your boss's lame Ascension. Like I couldn't stop it." God are you seriously so blind you think that is what this is about? The fucking mayor?

"You can't," I shake my head. Can't you see I'm fucking drowning over here, B? I'm with him because I need so fucking much for one person to act like they really need me, like they love me, like I'm their everything. Yeah, you're right I don't give two fucks about him. But he looks out for me, and that's more then I can say for you.

: And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now:

"I will." Of course she will. Why are we still talking about this?

"Keep dreaming. No one can stop the Ascension. Mayor's got it wired, B. He built this town for demons to feed on and come graduation day, he's getting paid. And I'll be sitting at his right hand. Assuming he has hands after the transformation. I'm not too clear on that part. And all your little lame ass friends are going to be kibbles'n'bits. Think about that when your boyfriends cutting into you."

While he's touching you in every way I want to. That's what I really want to say. While his hands are all over you, cold skin turning yours hot, how's that feel? Is it what turns you on? The idea that he's a vamp get you wet? Cause to be honest, the idea of watching him slice you up a bit is kinda gettin me going a little. Not gonna lie.

"I never knew you had so much rage in you." She honestly looks surprised. Child you have no idea the anger in me. The years of betrayals and lies building up inside, all your little deceptions cataloged and put away in the "Asshole" section with everyone else. Maybe I'm angriest cause I just can't fucking walk away. Anyone else I'd be sails to the wind by now, hours out of port.

"What can I say? I'm the world's best actor." Yeah or your just oblivious to anyone but yourself, I smirk. Self obsessed bitch.

"Second best," I spin to face Angel. Fucker. Asshole was playing me all along, lying like every other self righteous son of a bitch.

"Graduation Day? You think we missed anything?" I hate her; I hate that little look of satisfaction on her face as she looks at me.

"I think we know everything she knows."

"May I say something?" I watch stunned as she pulls her hands free. "Psych."

"You played me. You played me." Good now we're at the fighting. She'll beat me down, and I'll let her. Although right now I'm pissed enough to give her a run for her money. I'm also pissed enough that I'm not paying attention. I give her an easy opening, and she has a blade pressed against my throat. I whip mine up to her throat just as I realize my mistake. Cool metal against my sweltering skin, she's pressing hard enough for it to sting. I sharpened that blade, if I jerked my head the blood would be all over her hands. She looks a little scared, almost not sure how she got in this position, or if she can land the killing blow. Maybe that's just me reading into it.

"What are you gonna do, B, kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that," I knock away her knife, pulling her to me and leaning in to kiss her forehead. That brief contact leaves my lips burning. God can she not feel it? "Yet."

: It's like I'm lost  
It's like I'm giving up slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
Leave me alone:

I run, I have to there isn't anything else I can do. Every muscle in my body is screaming for me to do something, and right now I am sure it would be something dumb. I want to punch something, beat someone senseless, but the streets are empty of demons and vamps. Second best would be sliding the now warm blade in my hand across my arm. Not to kill myself mind you, that's her job. Just something to release the pressure inside. Let a little of this poison out and maybe I can breath again.

Finally my muscles give out, I fall face first onto the pavement, elbows scraping as they hand, catching all my weight. Maybe that will ease the tension again. My arms are screaming for more, just little cuts, maybe a hot iron. Just something get her out of me pull her out through shallow cuts and scrapes.

: It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck  
It's like I'm running from you all the time  
And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around:

Gravel crunches on the road beside me, boots walking closer. They stop next to me, waiting, maybe to see if I'll move. I don't I just continue to lay there till they haul back and one slams me in the stomach. I moan, and double in pain, another catches me in the jaw, splitting my lip. I roll on my back, wiping blood away and looking up at my attacker.

"Hey Faith," she smiles a bit, a bruise already forming from where I hit her earlier.

"Hey B," I cough, feels like a rib is broken, she kicks me again, maybe to make sure it is.

"You didn't come back to your apartment," she cocks her head, looking down at me.

"Yeah," I answer, pushing myself up to sitting. "Headed there now, let's go." She drops on top of me, straddling me.

"Why bother?" She grabs my hands from under me, slamming me back into the pavement, I moan in pain, moan in pleasure as her lips meet mine in the same instant.

I fucking hate her.

: It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me  
And I know I let you have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time:


End file.
